What If?

I'm sure many of you have wondered, boys and girls, what would have happened if you would have done one little thing different. What if you had taken the red pill instead of the blue pill*? What if you had ordered the soup with your meal instead of the salad**? These are actually quite little things that probably wouldn't even matter. You can always order a soup the next time you go to that restaurant. I'm talking about something of bigger importance. Something you probably can't change once it has been done. I am talking about interacting with someone you may particularly like.

When I was still in high school, there was this boy that I had a big crush on. One day, after school was out, I was talking to him in the parking lot by his truck. We had talked until just about everyone else had left. That's when I got the guts to finally tell him how I felt. I told him that I liked him, and his reaction was better than I expected, because he told me he felt the same way. I was so excited that I wanted to kiss him. And why not? We both just confessed to liking each other, no harm in sharing a kiss, right? But for some reason I thought kissing him would be too much, so I kept my lips to myself and thought, maybe tomorrow.

When tomorrow showed up, my heart felt as though it had gotten thrown down a flight of stairs. The boy I had just confessed my feelings for was acting quite intimate with a girl I had never seen before, but word had gotten out fast that she was now DATING this boy. The SAME boy who had just one day ago confessed to me that he liked me! And that was when I saw the two steal a kiss in the hallway.

It has been years since this has happened, and I am over the kid, but ever since then I have always wondered to myself, what if I would have kissed him after our confessions? That thought used to torture me all those years ago, but now I just think it's silly because I can tell you what would have happened.

This kid I had once liked was probably one of the worst choice in boys, and not because he broke my heart, but because he was one of those bad-boy types who did illegal drugs and had sex with girls he had just met. I did not know this until later, but it gives me chills to think what would have happened. I would most likely be a single mother, living in a trailer home and suffering from drug withdrawals because I couldn't afford both diapers and cocaine. I would barely even have a life if I would have kissed this kid in high school.

That seems a bit far-fetched, but I truly think the smallest decisions can change our lives for better or worse. And maybe my imaginary present wouldn't have happened if I would have kissed the kid, but all I know is that when you think you've made a wrong decision, don't get hung up on it, especially if it involves a guy or a girl. If things don't happen between the two of you, maybe that's how it was meant to be. Looking back at all of the boys that I had once liked or dated, a lot of them weren't the ones for me at all and I'm glad nothing more came out of those crushes and relationships.

Bottom line, don't get hung up on the what ifs when it comes to guys and girls. There is still a Mr./Ms. Right out there for everyone.

I've been meaning to mention this earlier, if you feel you have made a decision that lead to an abusive relationship, you still have a choice of getting out of that relationship. Not all decisions are final.

*reference to the movie The Matrix
**reference to the television show Family Guy